I was on Facebook, just perusing the posts from friends, when I came across one from my niece entitled, “The Effed Up Things About Being 40” from The Huffington Post. I read them with dismay. And then I commented with:
“I read this with disgust. If she’s got Bengay in her nightstand, is afraid to wear sequins, and whines about her back, she needs to get laid, get some bling, and take her younger-than-me (backside) to the gym. I’m having more fun than her and, hell, I’m 53!!!”
Well, it’s true. I am fifty-three. And none of the above relates to me. I wear all the bling I want, have something far more interesting than Bengay in my nightstand, and go to the gym three to five times per week. It’s all about attitude, and I’ve got plenty, let me tell you.
But that answers a question I get from time to time: “Why do you specialize in erotic romance and erotica featuring characters who are over the age of forty?”
Well, why not?
The “Baby Boomer” demographic is the largest in our nation, and we’re aging fast. Not only are there more of us, but we have more money than the other generations around us. We make up most of the purchasing power in the United States.
So it was with disgust that I read “that popular trilogy written by a British author” and watched as millions were enthralled by her so-called sexual experts in their early twenties. Oh, please. Yes, they know how to have sex – stick Tab A into Slot B and move around a bit. But experts?
And so I set out to write erotic romance and erotica featuring characters who were well over forty – some of them are nearing sixty. I wrote it from personal experience. So let me share with you what I know.
A person over forty doesn’t care what their partner thinks of their body when they’re having sex. They are far too concerned with feeling good and helping their partner feel good. And their partner is grateful for that. Their inhibitions are tossed to the wind. They know how to please a partner, and they do so willingly.
If you’re over forty, unless you’re a completely self-centered dimwit, you know how to give as well as you get. And you want to. Sex is no longer about the “me” – it’s about the “us.” It’s not just about the act – it’s about the bonding that the act brings about. Sure, meaningless sex can take place over forty. But most forty-plus folk don’t have enough time left in their lives to waste on anything meaningless. And if they’re with a partner who isn’t on board, they’ll shed them like a snake shedding skin and find someone else who acknowledges their value.
Over-forty people are adventurous. They’re willing to try things they wouldn’t have considered in their twenties and thirties because they feared looking “stupid.” They know if they want to try it and they have a willing partner, they’d better man up, because that could change in twenty-four hours or less and they’d lose their chance. Plus if they think they’ve done pretty much everything, finding something they haven’t done is cause for celebration, and they want to try it and try it RIGHT NOW.
Sensuality is high on the list of things attractive to an over-forty partner. They don’t just want the act; they want the foreplay and the afterglow. They want the whole experience. They don’t just want the groaning. They want the stroking of a gentle fingertip, the breath on their neck, the kisses on the insides of their elbows. They want to experience the sensation, the tastes, the touches, the smells. They want it all.
An over-forty lover is willing to compromise. An over-forty female lover knows that if the little blue pill doesn’t work, there are always other options, and she’s more than happy to explore those. She makes her partner feel like the most virile, handsome, potent lover on the planet. And he responds by making her feel the same way.
Speaking of partners, the over-forty male partner has the “she comes first” attitude, regardless what the definition of that is. He’s willing to forego immediate gratification to see her lose herself in him. THAT’S gratifying to him. It makes him feel ten feet tall.
And ever wonder what all that “cougar” business is about? It’s simple: Younger men have discovered that older women know what gets a man’s motor humming and aren’t in the hurry that younger women are to be satisfied. They’ve found that an older lover will take her time to drive him crazy and make their encounter one that he’ll never forget – every time. So she’s not built like a twenty-year-old. So what? She’s soft, warm, and eager to please. That makes up for the visuals, trust me.
So why do I write erotic romance and erotica specializing in characters over forty? My characters are sexy, adventurous, gorgeous, self-confident, smart, funny, and far more concerned with others around them than they are with themselves. They know what they want, and they’re even more interested in what their partner wants. They’re not afraid to be themselves, to ask for what they want (in and out of bed), and to try something new. They’re open, honest, and trustworthy. They’ve been through the fire and when they finally find “The One,” they’re not just grateful, they’re elated. For most readers, that makes them a breath of fresh air. Who wouldn’t love them?
I’ll keep writing about characters who aren’t just above the “kiddy” designation, and I won’t compromise. They’ll keep being so hot that they set the pages ablaze, and my readers will continue to love that about them and about my writing.
And I’ll keep that “interesting stuff” in my nightstand. It’s way more fun than Bengay.
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